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Children’s book writers were treated to another fun and informative first page session this week in Princeton, hosted by the NJ-SCBWI. Editors Michelle Burke and Allison Wortche of Knopf & Crown Books For Young Readers listened to 30 first pages read aloud as they followed along with each manuscript page. Then they gave their immediate first impressions of the work.
If you’ve never attended a first page critique, it’s a quick way to get a handle on what your peers are writing. A first page session shows you what it’s like for an editor to spend two hours in the slush pile. Common themes emerge. Mistakes reveal themselves. If you listen carefully, you’ll learn how to avoid first page problems and encourage an editor to read on.
So what did the editors say? I encourage you to read on…
Picture Books:
Use varying imagery in picture books. One manuscript conveyed a lot of emotion and the editors didn’t see where the illustrator would take inspiration for art. The same scene through several page turns may lose a child’s attention.
Dialogue needs to match the age of your character. A picture book character shouldn’t sound older than a five- or six-year-old child. Their actions should also match their age.
Cut excess detail in picture books. The first page of the manuscript should reveal a clear story arc. If the manuscript is bogged down with details, it slows the story down. For example, writing that a mother is carrying a napkin to the table and setting it down next to the plate is unecessary (unless that specific action is crucial to the story, and even so, it could probably be illustrated).
Premise and conflict should be apparent on the first page of a picture book manuscript. For example, dialogue between two characters should reveal a story, not just serve as adorable banter.
Every line in a picture book should move the story forward. There’s no room for chatting or extraneous stuff.
Picture books should have a linear approach. Moving back and forth in time can confuse a young child.
With holiday stories, you automatically have to work harder. Stories about specific times of year are a tough sell. There’s a lot of competition and a small sales window.
Some picture book stories are told better without rhyme. If the phrasing is unnatural in rhyme–things you wouldn’t ordinarily say–it can be jarring to the story. One bad line can ruin the manuscript’s chances.
Middle Grade/YA:
The narrator/main character should be the highlight of the first page. One manuscript began by describing a minor character as a way to compare/contrast the narrator. However, when that minor character disappeared from the rest of the page, the editors were confused. Was that comparison necessary to introduce the narrator?
Historial fiction should tell a story. The reader should get a sense of the main character first–how he/she is affected by historial details. Too much fact will bog the story down and lose the character.
Don’t be too reptitive in a novel–get on with the story. If a main character reveals the same thing over and over again on the first page, it feels overdone. Introduce a concept and then move on with the story; don’t circle back paragraph after paragraph.
A first person narrative should have more narrative than dialogue on the first page to take advantage of this device. Plus, the narrative voice and the dialogue voice should match (unless the disconnect is for a specific purpose).
Avoid the stereotypical whiny, displaced, unhappy middle-grade voice. More than one middle-grade manuscript began with a character learning that he/she had to move. The result was a whiny narrator who wasn’t necessarily likeable. Editors warned that they see a lot of the parents-uprooting-child theme, so to rise above the slush, consider a different approach.
Be cautious in stories with several important characters. It’s difficult to write a story with multiple characters because introducing them can sound like a laundry list. Reveal their personalities in a way that’s organic to the story. It also asks a lot of the reader, to keep track of several characters.
Watch tense. The switch from dialogue to narrative in one story felt very abrupt because the dialogue was in past tense and the narrative was in present.
The difference between MG and YA is edgy, gritty. If the main character’s personality feels innocent, the genre might be middle grade, not young adult.
Balance description and dialogue. Dialogue moves a story along fast. Description slows it down. Long stretches of each create a choppy storytelling rhythm.
Make descriptions specific, not generic. One story began with vague details that could be applied to almost any story setting. It wasn’t until further down on the page that the reader learned the unique time and place, something that attracted attention. The editors suggested moving that info higher up.
YA characters should be teenagers. College YA characters and those over the age of 19 can be a tricky sell. That moves the story into adult territory. YA readers need to relate to the characters, and 20+ seems like a lifetime away to a 15 year-old.
Finally, stories should be kid-friendly, not sprinkled with adult sensibilities. One of the editors warned, “this feels like it’s about kids rather than for them.” Don’t let a parental point of view creep into your writing–kids find that creepy.
I’ve pulled together some questions and answers from yesterday’s QueryDay on Twitter. I’ve edited this slightly to make it more readable (there’s more room than 140 characters here). The questions are in no particular order and may not include every response. In fact, I’ve removed answers by writing peers to concentrate on agent advice.
I hope this helps you with your query process. Thanks to all the agents and writers who participated!
Will an agent overlook a title she doesn’t like to request proposal/chapters for a query that otherwise caught her eye?
Rachelle Gardner: It’s all about the writing. The story. Yeah, a title can help or hurt your chances, but not make or break.
What are the rules for resubmitting after lots of revision? (We’re talking years since the original sub.)
Rachelle Gardner: Most important rule on resubmitting after revision: Be honest, say it up front.
Is it best to send a query to a few agents at once or just send them one by one?
Rachelle Gardner: I don’t know of any agents who expect or even want exclusivity on queries. On requested partials, yes.
Scenario: Big publisher has full manuscript. They offer contract. How can one query an agent to represent you in this situation? Is it proper?
Colleen Lindsay: It will depend on the offer. Agents are in it for $$$ too, so if the offer isn’t big enough, we won’t care. It takes as much time to work on a $2000 deal as a $20,000 deal. Not every deal created equally. But you should always have a publishing lawyer look over the contract even if an agent won’t rep you.
Greg Daniel: If I were a writer trying to find the right agent, I’d pay for access to Publishers Marketplace.com.
Regarding requested material: What is it that ultimately kills the YES when you read a partial or full that had potential?
Lauren MacLeod: Actually, it goes the other way. I start with probably no & you can move to yes with great voice & writing.
Rachelle Gardner: TOP reason I say “no” to queries is the story doesn’t sound unique, fresh, exciting. The problem isn’t the query, it’s the book. What kills the YES? That’s where it gets difficult and subjective. Does the story grab me and not let go, or not? What about being told “your writing is good” but still no? Remember–dozens of queries in the pile. Can only say yes to a few.
I’d think it’s better not to compare your book to other books and just let it stand on it’s own, meself.
Rachelle Gardner: Listing comparable books is important, it puts yours in context, shows you know your market, helps agent “get” your book.
Would this put you off – if someone spends years perfecting one novel? Would output be a concern?
Lauren MacLeod: No need to tell me in the first place (nothing to gain), but I expect first novels to have had more polish than 2nd.
Greg Daniel: No, wouldn’t concern me.
Why do publishers/agents even bother with email partials? Why not just take the whole manuscript and stop reading if it’s a dud?
Lauren MacLeod: I ask for email partials to manage expectations. I try and write longer & more involved rejections for fulls.
Having a hard time deciding what genre my novel is, should I leave that part out of query or can you suggest a way to help decide?
Rachelle Gardner: You must include the genre. Publisher, bookstore, consumer all need to know! Find books/websites that discuss genre.
How much of it is really who you know? How much of the process relies on you receiving recommendations?
Rachelle Gardner: Referrals definitely help. That’s why you go to conferences and network like crazy. I appreciate referrals from my current clients, editors I trust, and other friends in the industry.
Elana Roth: Connections help. Half my list is from referral, but the other half is from queries.
Greg Daniel: The only recommendations that make much difference to me are writers who are referred to me by my current clients.
Are most agents from NY or CA? Is it okay to query agents in other places? Are they for real?
Lauren MacLeod: With email and phones agents anywhere can get in contact with editors. First and foremost, pick someone you connect with.
Rachelle Gardner: It’s a good point about agent location. The Internet has made it easier for publishing folks to live anywhere.
Should a fiction writer ever mention their education or academic publications?
Lauren MacLeod: It should be mentioned in your bio, certainly, esp. if you are planning on doing more, but it should be a CV.
I’m worried about being relevant to the market…will the super hero novel I’m writing now still be relevant six months from now?
Lauren MacLeod: A great story with dynamic writing will always be relevant. Write good books, don’t worry about trends.
Do I need an agent to get a great book published?
Lauren MacLeod: Not necessarily, but probably to get it in the hands of the editors at the big houses & to negotiate a fair contract.
What are you looking for when it comes to voice?
Colleen Lindsay: Authenticity.
In my YA query, would you want to know if I’ve been mentored by famous YA author?
Kate Sullivan (editor): YES, I would LOVE to know if you were mentored by a famous, accomplished or great YA author in a query/pitch.
In early March, several literary agents, organized by Colleen Lindsay and Lauren E. MacLeod, participated in QueryFail on Twitter. They sat at their desks, inboxes open, a pile of envelopes at their side, and then read queries one-by-one, Tweeting examples from undesirable letters: “I know that I have attached a file, but please have a read even though it’s against your policy.”
Lesson #1: follow submission guidelines.
Lesson #2? Even though many writers felt QueryFail was interesting and helpful, there was a considerable backlash from those who felt it was unfair to share query letters meant only for the agents’ eyes. But listen, if you’re an aspiring author, that means you want your words to go into print someday. You have to be ready for the criticism. If you’re not confident about sharing your query letter, perhaps you should try writing another one.
QueryFail2 was all set for yesterday, but it didn’t happen. Instead, we got QueryDay. The guidelines were supposedly the same, but the tone was decidedly different. Agents opened the floor to questions from writers, making QueryDay an interactive event. And because writers became participators, I doubt that anyone who witnessed QueryDay had anything negative to say about it.
Several positive spins emerged. Elana Roth of Caren Johnson Literary Agency announced her first QueryWin of the day early on. She requested “a YA light sci-fi novel. Strong query. Good voice in sample pages.” She was also impressed with a “Smart cookie author/illustrator: did not attach art to email, but pointed me to link of her art online. Win.”
Later on Ms. Roth passed on “a 3,000 word picture book” and a “YA novel set in college. Still on the fence about that. And only 39,000 words.” Writers, you need to know the proper word counts for your genre.
Agents also provided tips. Rachelle Gardner offered, “This may be hard to hear, but I suggest you avoid being in a rush to get published. Take TIME to develop your craft.” Later she confessed, “A query that makes me laugh is a great thing! Whether or not the book is for me, it definitely gets my attention.”
Agent Lauren MacLeod shared information on her preferences: “For the record, I prefer not published to self-published. For me, self-published has to try harder. Others feel differently.” She then explained, “Why my self-pubbed position? 1) I assume it has already been widely rejected by agents, 2) might have already exhausted the market.”
Some themes and suggestions emerged repeatedly, like submitting polished work. Lauren MacLeod announced, “I assume you have edited your work, have a writers group and have shown this to someone who likes it.” Later on, Colleen Lindsay said, “A writer needs to get the manuscript into the best shape possible before querying. An agent’s job is not to handhold or coddle or boost a writer’s self-esteem. An agent’s job is to sell the manuscript.” Editor Kate Sullivan presented this caveat, “Remain open-minded and be ready to revise. You need to be open to changes every step of the way.” Even a polished manuscript can be improved.
The most important thing learned from QueryDay is really quite basic: write a sharp query and follow guidelines.
And just how much time does an agent devote to your query? Lauren MacLeod answered, “A query that is to our guidelines, within normal word count range and my genre? About 5 minutes. These are rare.”
She then summed it up: “More important than anything: WRITE A GOOD BOOK. Good writing, good plot & good voice trump all.” Rachel Gardner agreed, “Fiction writers…it’s ALL about the writing. Nothing’s as important as what’s on the page. If it rocks, nothing else matters.”
Got that? Now if only the word “good” weren’t so subjective…
I collected a number of questions and answers from QueryDay that other writers may find useful. I’ll post separately…coming very soon.
Every SCBWI first-page session I’ve attended has had one thing in common: picture book manuscripts about new babies in the family. At least two or three are submitted each time. Editors and agents respond by warning new writers: “The market is saturated with mom-is-having-a-baby books. If you’re going to write about a new sibling, the idea must be unique to stand out.”
I remember a harsh moment. After reading the first page of a new baby tale, an editor said, “This isn’t special enough to continue.”
Daunting, isn’t it? Makes you want to toss your baby—erm, your manuscript—out the window!
So when they say the idea has to be unique, what do they mean?
In a perfect world, they’d whip out Michael Sussman’s Otto Grows Down. Illustrated by Scott Magoon, it’s a tale of a boy who wishes his baby sister Anna was never born. “Be careful what you wish for” might be a cliché, but trust me, Otto Grows Down is an uncommon cautionary tale.
Otto makes his Anna-be-gone wish on his 6th birthday as he blows out the candles. Immediately, life begins to travel in reverse. Otto wraps up his gifts and hands them back to his friends. The second hand on his new watch ticks backward.
The next day at school, they start with mess-up time. Otto can’t get used to sliding UP the slide, and he’s so tired at the end of the day, he just wants to eat breakfast and get to bed. And going to the bathroom? Nasty business. (Nasty, hysterical business to my kids.)
Otto’s parents soon return Anna to the hospital and she disappears. Otto rejoices. But strangely, time doesn’t move forward again, it just keeps unraveling. Otto celebrates his fifth birthday, his fourth, his third…and he realizes that he may disappear, too! He’s slowly losing the words he needs to make his new wish come true: OTTO BIG!
Call it a dark comedy for kids. Scott Magoon’s film noir feel strikes the right balance between humor and horror. Dark shadows and warm colors mimic Otto’s flip-flopping emotions. (And hey, did you notice all the character names are palindromes? Another cool touch, huh?)
I won’t tell you where it ends—or where it begins—but let me just say: every editor who sent Mr. Sussman a rejection probably wishes they could make time go in reverse, too.
Otto Grows Down
Story by Michael Sussman
Illustrated by Scott Magoon
Sterling, February 2009
Want it? Get it!
P.S. Author Heather Ayris Burnell interviewed Michael Sussman on her blog–plus she’s giving away a copy of the book!
Last week I interviewed author-illustrator Steve Ouch about his indie picture book, SteamPotVille. I had discovered Steve on Twitter in January with 5,000 followers, 19 five-star reviews on Amazon, and a passion for promoting his book.
Today he may have made Twistory by selling 200 copies of SteamPotVille, enough to reach #208 in Amazon’s ranking system, just behind one of Rick Steves’ travel books. What inspired the push? Steve’s banker had promised him a book tour loan if he could sell 200 copies today. So that’s just what he did.
Steve remained on Twitter for 15 hours and made hundreds of posts pushing his book. With over 10,000 followers now, he only needed 2% of them to buy. And they did. He Tweeted when someone made a purchase and promoted that person. He excerpted lines from the book. Suggested adults would love it as much as kids. Offered it as a St. Patrick’s Day gift idea. There wasn’t a sales angle he missed.
If you want to learn something about marketing and self-promotion, follow Steve Ouch on Twitter.

I had the pleasure of meeting author
My big surprise was—I didn’t really have any big suprises! The tremendous benefit of using the SCBWI and Verla Kay discussion boards is using the experiences of other authors to make the path easier. I am hugely indebted to those who have traveled this literary path before me! Through the discussion boards and workshops, I felt really well-prepared. Any of my questions were answered: simple questions such as “How do I make postcards?” to more complicated questions dealing with contracts. One pleasant surprise was that all of my school visits were wonderful. Each one was gracious, organized, prepared AND I sold a lot of books! Again, I learned how to prepare pre-order forms, write school contracts and even develop a PowerPoint presentation through the experiences of others. There is much to be learned, but a wealth of information is readily available.
Tonight You Are My Baby
Publishing a book can be an adventure, and that’s especially true for Christine and Ethan Rose. Authors of
A few weeks ago, YA author Mitali Perkins put together a list of
I love picture books with a touch of magic, so I was thrilled to speak with
What is the biggest challenge when translating someone else’s words into pictures? How much input does the editor have? Do you ever speak directly with the author?
How and when did you make the decision to morph from illustrator to author-illustrator? Can you tell us about 
Tammi Sauer
In 2000, I started toying with the idea of writing children’s books (this meant I would write for a couple of hours one day and not write another word for the next, oh, ten months or so). I didn’t get serious about writing children’s books until the spring of 2003 when an illustrator paid a visit to my daughter’s preschool. Seeing a real live person who was involved in the creation of children’s books was the push I needed to make writing a priority in my life. I received Cowboy Camp’s offer the following year.
I WISH it only took 1-2 years! Chicken Dance will hit the shelves three years after I received the offer. Mostly Monsterly debuts two and a half years post-offer. The waiting is pretty horrible–especially since I am not a patient person. At all.













