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Remember #QueryFail? If you want to land a book contract, don’t send a letter like this to an editor or agent. Sung to the tune of “Paperback Writer” by The Beatles, here’s a pop parody with a cautionary theme.

♫ Picture book writer (picture book writer) ♫

To whom it concerns, will you buy my tale?
I’m a stay-home Mom with degrees from Yale.
It’s an alphabet book based on Mother Goose,
And I’ve much to teach so I want to be a picture book writer,
Picture book writer.

It’s a didactic yarn of a wise old sow
Chased by vampire ducks and a zombie cow.
I’ll outsell Mo Willems and Dr. Seuss,
I was in movies but I want to be a picture book writer,
Picture book writer.

♫ Picture book writer (picture book writer) ♫

It’s six thousand words, give or take a few,
My cousin’s friend can illustrate it, too.
I have a twelve-book series that’s told in rhyme,
My three kids love it and I want to be a picture book writer,
Picture book writer.

If you sign me right now, you can be the first,
It’s been e-mailed to hundreds, including Hearst.
If you must reject it, please don’t send a form,
I need your critique and I want to be a picture book writer,
Picture book writer.

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