Remember #QueryFail? If you want to land a book contract, don’t send a letter like this to an editor or agent. Sung to the tune of “Paperback Writer” by The Beatles, here’s a pop parody with a cautionary theme.
♫ Picture book writer (picture book writer) ♫
To whom it concerns, will you buy my tale?
I’m a stay-home Mom with degrees from Yale.
It’s an alphabet book based on Mother Goose,
And I’ve much to teach so I want to be a picture book writer,
Picture book writer.
It’s a didactic yarn of a wise old sow
Chased by vampire ducks and a zombie cow.
I’ll outsell Mo Willems and Dr. Seuss,
I was in movies but I want to be a picture book writer,
Picture book writer.
♫ Picture book writer (picture book writer) ♫
It’s six thousand words, give or take a few,
My cousin’s friend can illustrate it, too.
I have a twelve-book series that’s told in rhyme,
My three kids love it and I want to be a picture book writer,
Picture book writer.
If you sign me right now, you can be the first,
It’s been e-mailed to hundreds, including Hearst.
If you must reject it, please don’t send a form,
I need your critique and I want to be a picture book writer,
Picture book writer.
Writing for Kids (While Raising Them) 
11 comments
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June 16, 2009 at 2:55 am
Katherine Battersby
Ha! Hilarious! Very, very clever 🙂
June 16, 2009 at 8:51 am
Susan Blanton
Absolutely one of the funniest blog posts I’ve ever read. Can’t wait to read your first book.
Would be even funnier if it didn’t stab me in the heart–unfortunately, I’ve heard the same lines from veeeery serious aspiring writers.
June 16, 2009 at 1:17 pm
tara
Oh Susan, I wouldn’t have been able to write it if a piece of me weren’t hiding inside! 😉
June 16, 2009 at 10:11 am
Niall young
Very clever Tara..brilliant!
BTW..In England we have a children’s book publisher called ‘Ladybird’..that’s a Beetle isn’t it? 🙂
June 16, 2009 at 10:37 am
tara
Yes! We call ladybirds “ladybugs” in America. For the record, I prefer “ladybird”!
June 16, 2009 at 10:18 am
Croatia
Such a wonderful blog – full of practical advices and useful informations about children’s literature!
I’m a foreign reader and I have a problem with translation. I would like to ask you or someone else to help me translate to english language the sound of wind blowing through trees. I’m interested in words that describe the sound of wind in children’s picture books. Thank you!
June 16, 2009 at 10:35 am
tara
Thank you for visiting from Croatia!
Wind blowing through trees makes the leaves rustle. The wind might whisper. Or go “whoosh!” It depends upon the effect you want to convey.
I suggest taking a look at some picture books about wind. You’ll find a list of them here: http://tr.im/windbooks
Best wishes with your book!
–Tara
June 16, 2009 at 11:15 am
Croatia
Thank you for the quick response and great advice!
Greetings from Croatia!
June 16, 2009 at 5:58 pm
Greg Pincus
As I mentioned to you on Twitter, I actually did send a Picture Book Writer query letter… though I hasten to add that it was to people I had a relationship with. You’ve inspired me to dig through the files to see if I can find it. I do agree that funny/odd letters are not normally the way to go, but under the exact right circumstances….
June 17, 2009 at 8:25 am
tara
I think that’s such a clever idea, to write a query letter like that. (And I’m sure the book you were querying was far better than my imagined tale!)
June 17, 2009 at 10:29 am
Christy
LOL! cute!